Queer Men in the Life Lodge: Forgiveness, Apology & Reconciliation

Jun 6th, 2021 - Jun 13th, 2021
Bay Area, CA
[email protected]


Gathering a Circle of Queer Men  

If only there were evil people somewhere else insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were simply necessary to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destory a piece of his own heart?

—Alexander Solzhenitsyn


Imagine you, as a queer man, living in a community that has its own “Death Lodge,” a place where a dying person can rest and receive the visitors who come to say goodbye.  This is the natural place of “making it good” with your people so you can cleanly move on, and they can let you go in the fullness of completion.  An old hospice teaching says that to complete a relationship five things must be said: “I forgive you”; “you forgive me”; “thank you”; “I love you”; and “goodbye.”  This is the sacred work of the Death Lodge. 


One of the great challenges we all face in life is to do this work now, when it is most needed, rather than waiting until the last days of our dying.  Call this the work of “the Life Lodge.”  If we don’t step into this lodge, if we don’t keep our relationships current, we risk being weighed down by a lifetime of woundings, angers, and regrets that make it more difficult to surrender to our death, or to the fullness of our life.  


The call to do this Life Lodge work may be especially strong for queer folk.  Growing up queer in mostly mainstream families may have left us with complicated ongoing relationships and plenty of unfinished business, even while it may have freed some of us to create new ways of defining and being in relationship. 


In this gathering we will move through “the four shields” of Life Lodge work: being a queer child; coming out in adolescence (regardless of age); living proudly as a queer adult; and embracing Queer Spirit.  We will ask: While growing up, where in relationships have you gotten stuck?  When might you have forgiven too soon, or apologized too shallowly?  Jewels to be found in the Life Lodge are god-like qualities: mercy, compassion, self-respect, and maybe even the grace to forgive “the unforgiveable.”  If you listen deeply, you can tune into the value and healing potential of a circle of queer men spending time together in the Life Lodge. 


Program information:  Enrollment is limited to 12.  This program will be held at a wilderness site within the greater Bay Area.  We will start early afternoon on the first day, a Sunday, and finish by noon of the last day.  We will be camping together the entire week, likely with a simple toilet set-up and no showers.  More detailed logistical information will be sent out a few months before the course begins. 


Meals:  A plan will be created to share breakfast and dinner preparation among the entire group, with each person on  their own for lunches.  This plan would have a pair of people preparing each meal, with any one team likely doing a  single breakfast and a single dinner.  If you would prefer to opt out of this meal sharing, be sure to let us know in  advance.  


A note to people with limited wilderness experience:  Though we will be camping out for the entire week, activities undertaken will be non-strenuous and our emphasis will always be “safety first.”  We will provide a list of personal equipment that each participant should bring and we will also provide some group equipment for our base-camp.  We may be able to loan limited personal equipment as needed and if we are unable, we can provide advice about what to purchase or rent.






The School of Lost Borders has created a sliding scale for all its programs and trainings in an effort to keep our courses affordable to a wide range of people. We set forth no criteria and trust that each individual will pay what they feel is appropriate.

Scholarships are available.

Tuition: $800 - $1400

Deposit: $300
(Non-refundable & non-transferrable unless seminar is cancelled)

Extra Fees: Camping/parking fee: $80


Already enrolled?

You can pay the full balance for your program online using PayPal with the button below. Please note, a $25.00 handling fee will be added to your total.